That’s Men: Tendency to criticise is a reflection of our perception of...
That guy thinks the world revolves around him, I said to myself recently. Then, just in time, I remembered to add the words “just like me”. It’s a little trick I’ve been playing on myself lately since...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Confidence isn’t the problem; worshipping confidence...
I have never been particularly confident. However, I am good at concealing this fact and that skill has been helpful to me from time to time. Because of my innate pessimism I have tended to look on...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Beware of the narcissist’s magnetic pull
Those of us who muddle through, annoying our partners and being annoyed by them but making a go of it in the name of love, are not so bad after all. The thought struck me on reading some research from...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Pre-marriage counselling addresses even the most basic of...
Here’s a pattern that relationship counsellors see a lot: couple enters the room, led by the woman. They sit on the sofa with the man sitting as far away from the woman as he can, looking unhappy....
View ArticleThat’s men: The deep obscenity of ‘revenge images’
It has always been possible to destroy the reputation of a girl or woman by putting about the word that she is a slut, an opinion all too quickly passed on by others, both male and female. Today it...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Giving can help you flourish in the rat race
Can giving be bad for you? Yes, if you’re giving to the wrong people, according to Prof Adam Grant of the University of Pennsylvania. Generally speaking, though, giving can help you flourish in the...
View ArticleThat’s Men: If only we could find a way not to burst each other’s balloons
I will tell you a story about the Balloon family in a minute but first, a serious question: is disappointment the dirty little secret we all carry around with us? I mean disappointment in ourselves...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Making time for the people who matter
A psychologist once said that your personality can change between the time you open your front door and the time you step over the threshold. The street angel may become a house devil; the stern...
View ArticleToo much self-esteem is not good for you
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN: ‘Nice to see you. You’re looking really average today.” How would you like that for a greeting? Not very much, I expect. Like most us us, you probably suffer from what is...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Staying in touch while missing out on life
Back in the old days (I mean 2005), the organisers of a big digital conference in the United States switched off the Wi-Fi because the sea of lit-up screens made it clear that the speakers on stage...
View ArticleAre you lucky in love . . . or just deluded?
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�DO YOU HAVE the perfect partner? Does she complete you as a person? Is she easy to love? Will you be in love with her forever? If the answer to all these questions is yes,...
View ArticleAccepting the self with a nod to the shortfalls
THAT'S MEN:��Life is a set of assumptions about who we are, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN�� HE WAS what you might call an ebullient man: life and soul of the party, strong opinions, talked more than anyone...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Fear of success can be self-sabotaging
I am more scared of success than of failure. You can hide behind failure. Unless the failure is catastrophic it may not change very much about your life. If it is catastrophic that’s a different...
View ArticleDwelling on past issues a waste of time
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�Old regrets can rob us of the joy of living well AT THE funeral of a man I did some business with before he retired, I found myself speaking to a red-faced gentleman who...
View ArticleToo much judging can be bad for us
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN: I was congratulating myself one Monday morning on having got through a lot of work the week before when I stopped and wondered what exactly was going on. Who was it taking...
View ArticleCoping with the ‘storm and stress’ of the teenage years
I wonder how many readers would like to relive their adolescence? I wouldn’t and I doubt if I’m alone. I remember adolescence as a time of shyness, awkwardness and doubts. I didn’t have the battles...
View ArticleWant to lose weight? Enjoy your food
PADRAIG O'MORAIN A highlight of my day as I grew up was the appearance on the dinner table of a large dish of boiled potatoes. I liked potatoes ��� I still do. I consider them the caviar of Irish...
View ArticleThat’s Men: No big mystery about sadists – they just enjoy what they do
My first encounter with everyday sadism came in the form of a teacher who was at his happiest when administering punishment to his pupils. This punishment usually took the form of slapping boys whom...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Why sorrow of victims turns to self-loathing
I wrote recently about unjustified guilt felt by victims of child abuse. From the responses I received, both in conversation and by email, it seems to me that this is a very widespread issue. I was...
View ArticleTrauma leads to bother with the brother
THAT'S MEN:�People can be affected in different ways, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN� A MAN I WORKED with in London used to complain during our lunch breaks about a brother who lived with him and his mother....
View ArticleIll on holiday? Maybe you're missing work
THAT'S MEN:�Workaholics run the risk of 'leisure sickness', writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN� REMEMBER when BlackBerry Man and Woman waved about their status symbols in holiday resorts just to make sure...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Regrets? We’ve all had a few – and they can either help or...
Sometimes people who have been searching for happiness have told me they fear finding it. Their reasoning is that if the answer turns out to be a simple one, they will regret the years that they...
View ArticleThat’s Men: It’s all about the choices we choose to make
At a crowded event in Trinity College Dublin some years ago the speaker, a US psychiatrist called William Glasser, paused after struggling to remember a name. “Forgive me,” he said with a grin. “I...
View ArticleThat’s Men: When school’s out, the parents entertain and one boy and dog put...
‘You’d be surprised how many people stopped for a coochie-coo without even asking. Never again.” He had bustled onto our carriage on a train in the North of England with a child, a woman and a dog. The...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Why teenagers’ behaviour makes perfect sense
‘I would there were no age between 16 and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep out the rest; for there is nothing in the between but getting wenches with child, wronging the ancientry, stealing,...
View ArticleIt may be 2012 but sexism still thrives
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:��It���s not just men, women give other women hassle ���I WAS asked to go to a meeting of senior managers to give a presentation on a report I had written. As the meeting...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Playing the ego-game
I used to do business with a man who always said no the first time you asked him for anything. I eventually figured out that if I went away for a couple of days, then came back and asked for the same...
View ArticleIssue of gender just gets more confusing
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�Definitions of male and female are shifting AS I WRITE this, Australia's female tennis icon Margaret Court is at the centre of a storm over remarks in which she opposed...
View ArticleThe power of body language is striking
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:��Walking the walk is not just empty posturing A FRIEND harbours a resentment towards an old teacher who was a bit of a rough diamond. The teacher believed in the...
View ArticleGran used to be a four-letter word
The warmth and affection which young people have for their grandparents has always struck me as a positive thing in the world – but it was not always so. Articles in psychological journals in the US...
View ArticleReach out to others before it's too late
THAT'S MEN:�Making the connection could prevent suicides, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN� TO ME, one of the saddest aspects of suicide is that the person who takes his or her own life often reaches out to...
View ArticleDepressing facts about heart disease
THAT'S MEN:��Emotional wellbeing when ill is invaluable, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN�� WORRYING EVIDENCE has been emerging for some time of links between depression and heart disease. The links are not...
View ArticleYou can't run away from the person you are
THAT'S MEN:�Don't attempt to be someone you're not, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN� I WENT FOR a walk in the Phoenix Park before writing this and, as I gazed at �ras an Uachtar�in and tried to imagine it...
View ArticleDenying your desires makes them stronger
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�BACK IN the day, the Catholic Church was so obsessed with the danger of people having sex and enjoying it that they made even thinking about it with pleasure a sin. (If...
View ArticleClergy and sex? Now there's a ridiculous idea
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�IMAGINE BEING sentenced to life imprisonment for a thought - not for uttering it or promoting it but just for having it and enjoying it? The idea may seem to belong to...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Why the past has no reality whatsoever
The past doesn’t exist, a mediator once told me as I began to outline the list of wrongs that had been done to me by another party. He then went on to resolve the disagreement in short order. I’ve...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Tolerance of your mistakes will make for a better you
The stranger on the train was pleased with himself because he had made a series of business decisions that worked. I wondered how he would cope the next time he made a seriously wrong move. “Have you...
View ArticleLearning not to 'shun' other people's grief
THAT'S MEN:�Our behaviour can leave bereaved feeling isolated, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN� WE ARE not good at handling other people's grief. We avoid the subject or, worse, the person who is bereaved, or...
View ArticleYou can’t escape the influence of the wandering Irishman
You cannot get away from the Irish. Let us say you tire of the rat race and have yourself transported back 100-plus years to the Far East and cocoon yourself in a Buddhist monastery. One day you go to...
View ArticleImpressed by a rebel who never rebelled
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�WHEN I was 20-ish I was terribly impressed by an acquaintance who would declare, frequently, "I don't give a damn what any of them thinks. They can all go to hell." The...
View ArticleThe destructive power of misplaced guilt
The destructive power of unjustified guilt in sex abuse cases has been demonstrated again and again. Last month we saw yet another example when a former priest, Patrick McCabe, was convicted of...
View ArticleRemember, your past is just an illusion
THAT'S MEN:��It had taken less than 36 hours for my mind to edit the memory, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN�� ONE NIGHT recently I encountered a fox in the grounds of St James���s Hospital in Dublin and...
View ArticleThat’s Men: The last word on redefining stress
I’m sure the hearts of the hurlers in that extraordinary, soon-to-be- repeated, All-Ireland final were beating so hard they were ready to jump out of their mouths and sail over the bar. And I’m sure...
View ArticleDon't make assumptions, we're Austrian
THAT'S MEN:��Lives unfold while people-watching in Austria, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN�� A BAR in Salzburg: A stout man in a conservative suit ��� the sort of suit more appropriate to the office than to...
View ArticleRead this, your happiness depends on it
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�DRIVING OFF to get a computer fixed a couple of months ago (well, to get the guy who "repaired" the computer to fix the repair), a thought struck me while I waited in a...
View ArticleThat’s Men: Liking ourselves unconditionally
Let’s say you have a hamster spinning its wheel. The hamster has been at this for quite some time and is rather tired. There is nothing to stop the hamster getting off the wheel and going for as long...
View ArticleDon't blame me, it was my grandmother
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�We must at times take flak for others' actions IT WAS, I think, Frank O'Connor who wrote about a Christian Brother whose personality changed when he had a haircut. He was...
View ArticlePersonal war that neither side can win
PADRAIG O'MORAIN THAT'S MEN:�A constant battle against maintaining morals I HAPPENED to be in a place the other day where I observed a woman giving out to a man. She was pointing out to him that with...
View ArticleThat’s men: We need to accept more about ourselves than we need to change
The apple does not fall far from the tree. I heard the phrase used most recently in relation to a gentleman who had encountered some trouble with his neighbours and whose family of origin were...
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